What I'm Ultimately Fighting...

JW,

As you know, I'm always upset when a fringe sport like soccer, fishing, or anything that involves driving a car attempts to break into the pantheon of the wholesome American Big Four of football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. You can imagine my dismay, then, at the ruckus being currently raised by UFC 100, an event just a bit too similar to the kind of thing I regularly saw from my living room window when I lived in Brooklyn. The way I see it, the sports fan who wishes not to fall outside the standards of decency may allot himself as much as he wants of the aforementioned four; somewhere in the neighborhood of eight days' annual interest in both golf and tennis; and exactly three days' annual interest in horse racing. And that's it. The success of Ultimate Fighting is one of those cultural warts akin to the Saw movies, top-40 radio, and the kind of contemporary art that consists largely of blank canvases. While I'm assuming that "100" is not the number of events that UFC has had (is it?), they've still had way too many.

Here's the thing. I'm not impressed by anything that I could do myself if I just got off my ass. Hitting a professionally-thrown baseball isn't one of them. Neither is returning Andy Roddick's serve or splitting the fairway at Bethpage Black. But Ultimate Fighting--well, the only reason I'm not their champion is that I'm just plain lazy! (The same goes for Cirque du Soleil--yeah, the human body is capable of some incredible things, but those guys have to spend a really long time stretching.) Give me athletic feats that require more than a ridiculous amount of time in the weightroom. Give me grace. Give me a competition that isn't almost totally composed of writhing.

Your thoughts?

-GM

GM,

Where do I begin? I view professional fighting in the same way I view soccer. I can’t possibly deny the athleticism or skill of the participants, only their judgment. (As for the spectators who appreciate these sickening displays of fruitless running and needless bludgeoning, I openly question--even sometimes deny--their intelligence. You, however, have decided to attribute their success to dedication alone, which, as we know, is no less than a forehanded insult. It’s like the NBA team that tries so hard during the regular season, wins 50 games, and gets swept out of the playoffs three years in a row because of a glaring talent deficiency. No one respects those teams--no one who still likes the NBA anyway.

Look, if natural ability is your standard for deciding who should make millions of dollars for activity that doesn’t even resemble work (and I don’t necessarily oppose such a stance), let me tell you a few things. First of all, different people have different body types with varying levels of strength potential. A 5'7", 130-pound World of Warcraft veteran could never benchpress 500 pounds even if he dedicated his whole life to the cause. So strength alone involves some natural ability. Secondly, the skill of fighting is a combination of quickness, toughness, and intelligence. These are all God-given qualities, although the last in the series is clearly less God-given than the others. Why would anyone decide to fight for a living?! Isn’t “winning” a fight simply losing by less than your opponent? If any of these guys aren’t doing it solely for the money, then they took too many blows to the head even before they chose that industry.

And if they want to help their chances of taking fewer blows by getting in shape and lifting weights for two hours a day, let’s not judge. After all, “Why should the race always be to the swift… or the jumble to the quick-witted?” – Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons

I know it’s not for us, but some Americans still appreciate hard work.
-JW