Monday Football Roundup: Doing What We Do

GM,

Even though college football's national champions tend to lose at some point during the season these days--Florida (1), LSU (2), Florida (1)--I'm not willing to dedicate much of today's post to losers, not three weeks into the season. Brigham Young's loss to Florida State crushed my dreams, proved the Big 12 is a fraud (think Sooners), and perceptually set non-BCS schools back 15 years. Southern Cal's predictable loss ensured the Trojans' 46th straight appearance in the Rose Bowl against an overmatched Big Ten team. As for the unbeatens and their chances of finishing the season unscathed...

The Contenders:

Alabama, Boise State, and Miami are the only schools that have any kind of statement so far this year, and the Hurricanes have been the most impressive! Five of Miami's opponents on this year's schedule are currently ranked, and it's already knocked off two of them. Justice: the 'Canes will be ranked No. 1 if they beat Virginia Tech and Oklahoma the next two weeks. Reality: they won't be even be ranked first in Florida. Boise State obviously has the best chance of running the table, while 'Bama and Miami should play for the national title if they can do it.

The Question Marks: Florida, Texas, Penn State, California, LSU, TCU, Cincinnati, and Houston (!) all have legitimate hopes of winning out. As I said, an undefeated Miami versus an undefeated SEC squad would be most logical title-game choice, but mark my words, if Cal beats USC and runs the table, the Golden Bears will get the same treatment USC is used to getting. Let's all hope Penn State manages to fall to one of these posers, lest we see a very boring championship.

The Losers (Did you think I would say "Pretenders"?): Ole Miss leads this bunch, which also includes North Carolina, Kansas, Missouri, and Michigan. The Rebels have absolutely no chance of going undefeated, losing only one game, losing only two games, winning the SEC West, or finishing the season the the Top 15. In the preseason, this team was hyped up more than the Jonas Brothers. Despite having the easiest SEC schedule since Enron, we can expect Ole Miss to suffer a similar fate.

-JW

JW,

Unless you work for USC or have a love of continuity so overdeveloped it's unhealthy, why on earth are you watching the Rose Bowl?

That aside, here's this. Especially for those of us whose interest in football has what I'll call financial ramifications, week two of the NFL season is a crucial moment. After all, week one's results are easily dismissible as predictors of future performance, particularly when game stats are so clearly ridiculous (Kansas City being only fourteen points worse than Baltimore; Oakland racking up a mere forty yards of penalties) that they're obviously meaningless. Week two, on the other hand, is when trends begin to emerge, when the events of the previous week come into proper focus. Now that we've reached that benchmark, here are some things that we know:

Baltimore, Atlanta, and Minnesota have to be taken seriously.

Sure, they've beaten up on teams with a combined record of 1-10 (soon to be 1-11 when Miami implodes against the Colts tonight), but all three of these squads have displayed a surprising offensive crispness, throwing a combined 13 touchdowns to 4 interceptions. Nothing heroic, but not embarassing, either. Look for line-setters to underestimate these guys in the near future. Act accordingly.

The Denver Broncos are fool's gold.

2-0, meet 4-12. Denver's managed to look terrible beating Cincinnati and merely passable against a Cleveland team with no identity and a coach that everyone hates. If it weren't for fantasy football, you'd have never heard of a single player on this squad.

The Rams may be the worst football team ever composed.

That's right! Two games in and I'm already ranking them below the '08 Lions. The Lions seemed to at least recognize the stellar play of others. As far as I can tell, the Rams aren't even sure what you're supposed to do with a football.

Drew Brees will break the single-season touchdown record with the least amount of fanfare ever accorded the shattering of a major record.

And then the Saints will lose their first playoff game. They're too dependant on timing and rhythm, and their defense sucks. I know the defense-wins-championships myth has long been debunked, but I can't bring myself to let go of it. And this team has off-game-at-the-worst-possible-moment written all over it.

The Dolphins, Bengals, Browns, Jaguars, Raiders, Chiefs, Lions, Bucs, and Rams are already lost for the season.

Their problem? A complete and utter lack of football identity. Think of it this way: When a team like the Steelers goes out, they know exactly what their job is. They'll throw methodical passes and stop the run; they'll dominate time of possession and give up very few big plays; if necessary, they'll unleash a killer two-minute offense. Five minutes to game-time, they can motivate themselves with some version of the following: "Let's do what we do." Simply put, the teams above can't. They don't do anything. Sure, they'll win some games, but no one will know quite how it happened. Just ask yourself: When was the last time someone said, "That's Bucs football"?

Gun to my head, I'm picking Baltimore and Minnesota to meet in the Super Bowl.

And I'm picking Favre to stink in it. One question, though: Does he have a final year of eligibility at Southern Miss?

-GM