Hearing Optional: 'Signs' of Self Denial

JW,

Four years after Katrina, the state of Louisiana continues to impress. As you may have read, a Tangipahoa Parish Justice of the Peace has denied a marriage license to an interracial couple, citing concern for the union's potential children and his personal observation that "most interracial marriages do not last long." Justice Bardwell, on behalf of a South still fighting the notion that racism is our defining feature, let me be the first to say thanks.

And thanks also to another community embroiled in self-deception: the deaf! I was reading theatre reviews in the New York Times recently--and perhaps I should just stop there--when I came across this lovely tidbit. A staged version of Carson McCullers' novel The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter is being protested by the deaf community because a "hearing" actor has been cast in a deaf role--the equivalent, says (um, signs?) deaf actor Linda Bove, of "putting a white actor in blackface."

Let's be clear on this. Deafness, first a disability, then a subculture, has now risen to the level of a separate race. To accept a cochlear implant (click here for a truly fascinating summary of the deaf community's response to that particular wizardry) is to become a race traitor. A deaf Uncle Tom. Furthermore, dramatic portrayals of the deaf "race" may only be made by members of that group. It's a good thing they're not reviving The Miracle Worker, I suppose. Given the specifics of Helen Keller's differently-abledness, they'd never cast the damn thing!

JW, I'm convinced that we can extrapolate from these fiascoes any number of sports-related lessons having to do with delusional coaching and general management buffoonery. What say you?

-GM

GM,

I say we should be clear on a certain stance just in case there are any liberals out there who read our post and completely fail to understand sarcasm. (Hard to imagine, I know.) Despite our Southern heritage, we're fine with interracial marriage--even interracial schooling!

I know you'd probably like for me to relate this to sports as soon as possible, but I don't even think your lengthy post adequately covers the lunacy that's unfolding before our eyes. The CBS News story you linked us to is very direct in addressing the problem--deaf people resent the aid of science, hearing devices, and the hearing able.

The deaf community feels that its way of life is fully functional, and that using American Sign Language instead of oral English gives them no disadvantage in society.

I had my friend read the line aloud just so I could say, "I can't believe my ears!" Granted, at least 50 percent of the noises on this planet are annoying, just as at least 50 percent of smells are unpleasant, but I would never claim that a hearing-impaired or smelling-impaired person is on an even playing field. From a leisure perspective, deaf people are missing an entire art form--the best art form--in music. From a social perspective, sarcastic signing must be nearly impossible. From a safety perspective, inability to hear key phrases like "Look out!," "Heads up!," and "I'll f---ing kill you!" must be hazardous.

Denial this detrimental could only be matched by Sylvester Croom, who coached Mississippi State to four years of dreadfulness and one winning season. Granted, Croom took over when the program was at its lowest point (2003 saw the team finish 2-10 and 1-7 in the SEC), but his coaching philosophy was simply mind-boggling:

1. Kick players off the team for committing any sort of infraction, including cutting class, regardless of their potential contribution to the team.

2. Run the west-coast offense--an offense that requires intelligence at all positions--with players who averaged an 18 on the ACT. (Note: A few years ago, I read a Commercial Appeal article reporting that 50 percent of African-Americans in Mississippi aren't eligible for college. Imagine what that does to recruiting.)

3. Miss an entire recruiting season (his first) because the Packers (the team he coached running backs for) made the playoffs.

4. Frequently punt the ball from inside the other team's 40-yard line.

A recently trendy definition of insanity is "doing the same thing as before and expecting different results." I say a better definition is believing one thing despite proof to the contrary. If deafness is a race, label me a racist for holding the traditional view that lacking one of the five senses is, in fact, unfortunate. If I had a deaf child, he or she would get a cochlear implant (a race upgrade, if you will) faster than you could sign a protest.

-JW