Monday Football Roundup: Chaos and Regret

JW,

When the 2010 NFL season rolls around, remind me not to make any picks or predictions until at least week four. Though I followed what are usually reliable instincts, last Monday's collection of idiotic pronouncements was so bad I feel like President Obama when his teleprompter goes out--floundering, stuttering, and so message-less it's a miracle I'm allowed to keep my current job, much less get a "better" one. Though ranking the Rams below the utterly hapless Tampa Bay Bucs was a grave error indeed, it's nothing compared to my worst mistake: pronouncing the Cincinnati Bengals' season over. After watching the Bengals outplay the Pittsburgh Steelers yesterday, I'm ready to declare the obvious. Ochocinco was right, and I was wrong. And if you don't think it hurt to type that admission, well . . . child, please!

Here's the thing: Take away Brandon Stokley's crime of the century and you're left with a 3-0 Bengals team that's opened the season by impressing the hell out of everyone on Hard Knocks, beating a popular Super Bowl pick on the road, and knocking off last year's champion at home. In addition to trotting out noteworthy skill players (plural) for the first time in ages, the Bengals just seem tough, committed to something. I can't believe I'm saying this, but after seeing them claw back into contention yesterday after giving up 13 to start the game, I found myself expecting them to pull it out. Given the Pittsburgh-Will-Never-Lose-Or-Win-By-More-Than-Three principle, I even guessed the final score!

Despite the fact that the Bengals are 2-1 rather than undefeated, I love them as a dark horse wildcard team. Yeah, they've got the same record on paper as the odious Packers and Bears, but wouldn't you take them over either of those teams? In a heartbeat? Maybe I'm making too much of three games, but this looks like a team that's breaking some hearts come December.

What did you see this weekend?

-GM

GM,

You're not thinking clearly, although you did tell me before the end of the Titans/Steelers game in Week 1 that Pittsburgh won't win or lose a game by more than three points--an astonishingly wise, barely hyperbolic prediction. Sure, Cincinnati has been much more impressive than we've expected, but there are only two wildcard spots per conference these days, and the Bengals aren't getting one. Do you honestly think Cinci will finish with a better record than the Jets/Patriots, the Chargers/Broncos, and the Steelers?! (My prediction that Baltimore would cruise is so coming true, so forget about a division title for the Bengals.) Sure, Denver might lose its next five games (Dallas, New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Pittsburgh), but you know the AFC East is taking a wildcard spot, and if you trust Cincinnati to take advantage of an easy schedule, you're much less jaded than I am.

As for the college game, I still feel good about my analysis from a week ago. Miami lost, sure, but it had the toughest game of all the ranked teams last week. Meanwhile, Boise State rolled (and covered) again, and Alabama made a huge statement against Arkansas. I proclaimed Ole Miss, North Carolina, Kansas, Missouri, and Michigan to be losers. Two of them lost, and the others beat Southern Miss, Nevada, and Indiana by a combined 20 points. Of my question marks, Penn State, Cal, and LSU proved to be in the loser category. You don't go into Starkville and come four inches from losing to Mississippi State without taking a free fall in the mental standings of college football intellectuals. The Tigers play at Georgia this week and host Florida the next. It'll take a hell of a lot of opponent swine flu for LSU to get through those unscathed.

I'll close with a prediction and a question. An undefeated Boise State team could actually play for the national championship ahead of a one-loss BCS-conference team, mainly because the program has earned so much respect this decade. But can an undefeated Houston team play for the championship under any circumstances?! Sure, with defense like this (0:25 is particularly bad), the Cougars will get blown out if they do, but it's chaos and regret that I pull for every year in this willfully inferior college football system. And if Boise State beats Houston 62-10 in the Rose Bowl on January 7, we'll get both.

-JW