GM,
I grimaced just thinking about the lack of competition in the AFC West yesterday, so let's move on to a division that should have just as little parity but probably somehow won't. The Cardinals should win the division easily, right? Thanks to offseason displays of generosity, less annoying business practices, and fence mending, Arizona should be expected to have one of the most explosive offenses in football again and cruise to an easy divisional title, right? I now present a little list I'd like to call "Coulda, Shoulda, Won'ta: The 2009 Arizona Cardinals." All rights reserved.
1. Kurt Warner hasn't had complete, successful back-to-back seasons in his NFL career. Really! People say he's a Hall of Fame candidate, and I can't necessarily disagree, but his affinity for fumbling, getting injured, and unpredictably sucking make him remarkably less reliable than most of Canton's greats. If you can't count on Warner, it's over.
2. As far as I know, Anquan Boldin still isn't too happy about his contract. And though he looks like less of a hoodlum than other Pro-Bowl receivers, it's safe to assume he still wants the ball and the money.
3. The division is no longer a cakewalk. Seattle promises to be better with many key players returning from injury. San Francisco promises to be better, having won four of its last five in 2008. St. Louis promises to black out several games....
4. This one shouldn't shock anyone, but the Cardinals did happen to lose in the SuperBowl last year. In the last eight years, only one SuperBowl loser has made the playoffs! (Call me the News Breaker.)
5. We actually expect them to be good! Ask the 2003-2007 squads how that worked out.
-JW
JW,
Historically, we've disagreed about the significance of quarterback play in the NFL. While I maintain that QB is the single most important position in sports, you've got it ranked somewhere between WNBA Sixth Woman and PGA caddie. I hope we can both agree, though, that where the NFL draft is concerned, striking out with a first-round quarterback pick really can set your franchise back half a decade.
That's certainly what happened to the San Francisco 49ers, whose 2005 pickup of Alex Smith in the top slot has been about as haunting as a pedophilia conviction. During the Smith era, the Niners went 16-32 and fired their offensive coordinator after every season. Smith himself missed 16 starts due to injury and 365 passes due to sucking (I looked it up!). Now that San Francisco has engaged in a mercy killing of the J. T. O'Sullivan era, look for Shaun Hill to join his predecessors by playing badly when he bothers to suit up at all.
Sadly, the hopes of the Seattle Seahawks and the St. Louis Rams also rest on QBs who've spent the last several years on the wrong side of tolerable. I know that the Rams' problems in the trenches have been well documented (a search of "rams offensive line" +"bad" yielded 234,000 Google hits), but at some point we just have to start questioning Marc Bulger's ability to walk upright without falling. And while Matt Hasselbeck has certainly hinted at not sucking (his 2005 season was quite strong, in fact), he's missed 13 games in the last three seasons and is primed to become that guy we somehow decide is "tough" just because he's constantly injured (see McNair, Steve).
The Cardinals, on the other hand, have all the ingredients for a very fine season. If it weren't for that pesky Super Bowl curse (outlined here in some detail), I'd be pencilling them in for a trip to Miami. As it is, I'll go with you and predict disaster, regardless of whether or not it makes sense on paper.
-GM
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
AFC West Preview: Where Losing Is An Affirmative Action
JW,
As you know, I've inexplicably been a Kansas City Chiefs fan for a more than a decade now. (If you're interested in 13-3 teams that go nowhere, I'm your guy.) That's why it gives me so much pain to introduce this season's AFC West, a division whose outlook grows worse with each passing day. From the gentle plains of western Missouri to the gangland shootings of the east bay, the AFC West has it all: suspensions of indeterminate length, three-interception preseason games, bad draft strategy, and perhaps the worst coach in the history of Super Bowl contenders. It's gotten so bad that I wouldn't be surprised to see the Seattle Seahawks take the division.
It was the Chiefs, you may remember, who were getting some buzz as breakout contenders as recently as a few weeks ago. With the Cassel trade, the emergence of Dwayne Bowe, and the summary dismissal of Herm Edwards (now playing golf and the New Jersey lottery to win the game), the Chiefs looked ready to surprise. Sadly, Cassel's hurt already, and it's only a matter of time before Brodie Croyle accidentally bludgeons himself to death with a clipboard. Tyler Thigpen, lace up those boots. Kansas City, get ready for 5-11.
Denver, too, is in something of a shambles. I don't know about you, but I wake up every morning secure in the hope that if Kyle Orton can start for an NFL team, I can probably avoid homelessness and destitution for a few more weeks. And speaking of coaches, there's a word for guys who run Pro Bowl quarterbacks out of town, suspend #1 receivers, and proceed to go 2-14. The word is fired.
Further south and west, the Oakland Raiders continue to operate the NFL's version of the Island of Misfit Toys, with Al Davis playing the part of King Moonracer and Tom Cable in for one more season as Charlie-In-The-Box. When you think about it, it's something of a miracle that Davis operates a franchise in the most lucrative sports league in America. Considering that he's looked like the Cryptkeeper for almost twenty years now, it's clear that supernatural forces are at work.
Which leaves us with San Diego, whose inevitable postseason implosion should have its own theme song and television channel. Happily, it will have its own gambling line. I'm getting rich just thinking about it.
-GM
GM,
I've been waiting my whole football-watching life for the NFL to reform its playoff seeding. I've seen 11-5 Pittsburgh host 12-4 Denver (1997), 10-6 New England host 12-4 Jacksonville (2005), and, most recently (and most despicably), 8-8 San Diego host 12-4 Indianapolis last year! Let me get this straight. You outperform a conference foe--while playing a tougher divisional schedule--and you have to go to their place?! This is willful unfairness on the part of the NFL, and there's no justification for it whatsoever. I can understand the attractiveness of the perfect symmetry brought on by an eight-division league (rearranged as such in 2002), and it certainly motivates some mediocre teams to actually try late in the season (assuming their divisions are lousy), but must we pretend that piss-poor playoff teams deserve to host a game?! It's a form of affirmative action, I tell you, and this year's AFC West winner will be the black, disabled, lesbian worker who happens to be the best in her super-protected class.
Don't get me wrong, though. This lucky lady certainly has some talent. She might even have 13-win talent, but my principles are offended that she'll only need to utilize half of her potential to get the job! If the Chargers so much as suit up for their six divisional games, they'll go 6-0 in the West and hold all tiebreakers over the Broncos, Chiefs, and Raiders. Do you see any of those teams winning seven games?!?! Of course not. This means a 6-10 San Diego team would host a playoff game! The possibility alone should cause reform! If San Diego doesn't clinch the division by Week 12--its last divisional game--Norv should be fired, LT should be traded, and Shawne Merriman should start another cycle.
As for the other teams' chances of winning the division, I think they're about as good as the Lions' starting guards winning co-MVPs.
-JW
As you know, I've inexplicably been a Kansas City Chiefs fan for a more than a decade now. (If you're interested in 13-3 teams that go nowhere, I'm your guy.) That's why it gives me so much pain to introduce this season's AFC West, a division whose outlook grows worse with each passing day. From the gentle plains of western Missouri to the gangland shootings of the east bay, the AFC West has it all: suspensions of indeterminate length, three-interception preseason games, bad draft strategy, and perhaps the worst coach in the history of Super Bowl contenders. It's gotten so bad that I wouldn't be surprised to see the Seattle Seahawks take the division.
It was the Chiefs, you may remember, who were getting some buzz as breakout contenders as recently as a few weeks ago. With the Cassel trade, the emergence of Dwayne Bowe, and the summary dismissal of Herm Edwards (now playing golf and the New Jersey lottery to win the game), the Chiefs looked ready to surprise. Sadly, Cassel's hurt already, and it's only a matter of time before Brodie Croyle accidentally bludgeons himself to death with a clipboard. Tyler Thigpen, lace up those boots. Kansas City, get ready for 5-11.
Denver, too, is in something of a shambles. I don't know about you, but I wake up every morning secure in the hope that if Kyle Orton can start for an NFL team, I can probably avoid homelessness and destitution for a few more weeks. And speaking of coaches, there's a word for guys who run Pro Bowl quarterbacks out of town, suspend #1 receivers, and proceed to go 2-14. The word is fired.
Further south and west, the Oakland Raiders continue to operate the NFL's version of the Island of Misfit Toys, with Al Davis playing the part of King Moonracer and Tom Cable in for one more season as Charlie-In-The-Box. When you think about it, it's something of a miracle that Davis operates a franchise in the most lucrative sports league in America. Considering that he's looked like the Cryptkeeper for almost twenty years now, it's clear that supernatural forces are at work.
Which leaves us with San Diego, whose inevitable postseason implosion should have its own theme song and television channel. Happily, it will have its own gambling line. I'm getting rich just thinking about it.
-GM
GM,
I've been waiting my whole football-watching life for the NFL to reform its playoff seeding. I've seen 11-5 Pittsburgh host 12-4 Denver (1997), 10-6 New England host 12-4 Jacksonville (2005), and, most recently (and most despicably), 8-8 San Diego host 12-4 Indianapolis last year! Let me get this straight. You outperform a conference foe--while playing a tougher divisional schedule--and you have to go to their place?! This is willful unfairness on the part of the NFL, and there's no justification for it whatsoever. I can understand the attractiveness of the perfect symmetry brought on by an eight-division league (rearranged as such in 2002), and it certainly motivates some mediocre teams to actually try late in the season (assuming their divisions are lousy), but must we pretend that piss-poor playoff teams deserve to host a game?! It's a form of affirmative action, I tell you, and this year's AFC West winner will be the black, disabled, lesbian worker who happens to be the best in her super-protected class.
Don't get me wrong, though. This lucky lady certainly has some talent. She might even have 13-win talent, but my principles are offended that she'll only need to utilize half of her potential to get the job! If the Chargers so much as suit up for their six divisional games, they'll go 6-0 in the West and hold all tiebreakers over the Broncos, Chiefs, and Raiders. Do you see any of those teams winning seven games?!?! Of course not. This means a 6-10 San Diego team would host a playoff game! The possibility alone should cause reform! If San Diego doesn't clinch the division by Week 12--its last divisional game--Norv should be fired, LT should be traded, and Shawne Merriman should start another cycle.
As for the other teams' chances of winning the division, I think they're about as good as the Lions' starting guards winning co-MVPs.
-JW
Monday, August 31, 2009
Pitino vs. the Louisville Media: Where We're Shocked By How Little We Care
GM,
With four NFL divisions to go in what I still contend should be called The Smarter Than Y'all Late-August Preview Madness (Damn, the NFL Starts Later and Later Each Year) Fortnight, it looks like we can have a Rick Pitino conversation and still squeeze everything in. Some say Pitino has handled a big mistake and a horrible situation nobly. I say he's reacted about as favorably as Tim Duncan when he doesn't get a call.
Consider these quotes, the first of which seems to be some sort of attempt to defend his affair.
"I came here at a very difficult time. When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. . . . I needed this community to help me get over it."
Now there's some reasoning any wife could accept! Note to Pitino, Chad Ochocinco, and anyone else stupid enough to make a questionable 9/11 reference: It's often frowned upon. How insensitive could you be?!
This second quote came Wednesday:
"On a day where Ted Kennedy died, we broke in the news here in Louisville with Karen Sypher audio-ing the tapes to the detective when it's already been put out. That's a pretty sad commentary on us." No, no. This is pretty sad commentary. Also see Dan Le Batard's "MVP voters are racist for choosing Nash" column and any Tim McCarver broadcast.
I used to cover sports for a newspaper, and nothing disturbs me more than people telling media how to do their jobs. It's called local news, Rick. Proximity is one of the main things that carries a story to the front page, and I'm pretty sure Ted Kennedy didn't die in Kentucky. If you want editorial control, I'm sure any newspaper editor would gladly swap jobs with you. Look, man... women are crazy, especially when they know you're rich. Bite the bullet, pay for your mistake, don't think the media will leave you alone just because they give you courtesy laughs at pressers, and step as far away from your high horse as figuratively possible. You screwed up, and the terrorists and media have nothing to do with it.
-JW
JW,
When did 9/11 join skin color, sexual orientation, and Barack Obama's birth certificate in the great American gallery of Things We're Not Allowed To Mention? Pitino's brother-in-law died in the towers. If anyone is allowed to reference the attacks, it's him.
A closer glance at Pitino's remarks in context, by the way, reveals even less to get upset about (unless you get upset for a living). Here's the pertinent paragraph:
Besides my apology to the university . . . I also apologize to my extended family, which is all of the fans. I came here at a very difficult time. When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. In New York City, it was easy because everybody knew the devastation of that and they got each other over it. In Louisville, the impact wasn't felt like New York City, but I needed this community to get me over it. The university and my friends and lvoed ones have helped me through this very difficult time.
Call me an easy mark, but it's pretty clear to me that Pitino's invocation of 9/11 was not, as some have suggested, an attempt to excuse the affair--a Seinfeldian "Our female fans were there for me, and after a while they were just there." Indeed, the man is quite obviously apologizing not just for betraying the trust of a fan base (as if fan bases can "trust" college coaches) but for betraying the trust of a fan base that saw him through a tough time. What's the problem!?
If anyone needs to get off a high horse, it's the sports media, whose desperation to fill the 24-hour news cycle for an ever-fragmenting viewership has led to a self-righteousness that would make Al Gore blush. You're sports reporters, guy. Report sports. A big-time coach's affair might fall into that category. Your uninformed, sound byte-driven take on his etiquette doesn't.
-GM
With four NFL divisions to go in what I still contend should be called The Smarter Than Y'all Late-August Preview Madness (Damn, the NFL Starts Later and Later Each Year) Fortnight, it looks like we can have a Rick Pitino conversation and still squeeze everything in. Some say Pitino has handled a big mistake and a horrible situation nobly. I say he's reacted about as favorably as Tim Duncan when he doesn't get a call.
Consider these quotes, the first of which seems to be some sort of attempt to defend his affair.
"I came here at a very difficult time. When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. . . . I needed this community to help me get over it."
Now there's some reasoning any wife could accept! Note to Pitino, Chad Ochocinco, and anyone else stupid enough to make a questionable 9/11 reference: It's often frowned upon. How insensitive could you be?!
This second quote came Wednesday:
"On a day where Ted Kennedy died, we broke in the news here in Louisville with Karen Sypher audio-ing the tapes to the detective when it's already been put out. That's a pretty sad commentary on us." No, no. This is pretty sad commentary. Also see Dan Le Batard's "MVP voters are racist for choosing Nash" column and any Tim McCarver broadcast.
I used to cover sports for a newspaper, and nothing disturbs me more than people telling media how to do their jobs. It's called local news, Rick. Proximity is one of the main things that carries a story to the front page, and I'm pretty sure Ted Kennedy didn't die in Kentucky. If you want editorial control, I'm sure any newspaper editor would gladly swap jobs with you. Look, man... women are crazy, especially when they know you're rich. Bite the bullet, pay for your mistake, don't think the media will leave you alone just because they give you courtesy laughs at pressers, and step as far away from your high horse as figuratively possible. You screwed up, and the terrorists and media have nothing to do with it.
-JW
JW,
When did 9/11 join skin color, sexual orientation, and Barack Obama's birth certificate in the great American gallery of Things We're Not Allowed To Mention? Pitino's brother-in-law died in the towers. If anyone is allowed to reference the attacks, it's him.
A closer glance at Pitino's remarks in context, by the way, reveals even less to get upset about (unless you get upset for a living). Here's the pertinent paragraph:
Besides my apology to the university . . . I also apologize to my extended family, which is all of the fans. I came here at a very difficult time. When 9/11 hit, you needed a community to get you over it. In New York City, it was easy because everybody knew the devastation of that and they got each other over it. In Louisville, the impact wasn't felt like New York City, but I needed this community to get me over it. The university and my friends and lvoed ones have helped me through this very difficult time.
Call me an easy mark, but it's pretty clear to me that Pitino's invocation of 9/11 was not, as some have suggested, an attempt to excuse the affair--a Seinfeldian "Our female fans were there for me, and after a while they were just there." Indeed, the man is quite obviously apologizing not just for betraying the trust of a fan base (as if fan bases can "trust" college coaches) but for betraying the trust of a fan base that saw him through a tough time. What's the problem!?
If anyone needs to get off a high horse, it's the sports media, whose desperation to fill the 24-hour news cycle for an ever-fragmenting viewership has led to a self-righteousness that would make Al Gore blush. You're sports reporters, guy. Report sports. A big-time coach's affair might fall into that category. Your uninformed, sound byte-driven take on his etiquette doesn't.
-GM
Friday, August 28, 2009
NFC North Preview: Leading the League (In Picks)
JW,
While the AFC South and NFC East may produce more wins over the coming season, no division in professional football promises to be as compulsively watchable as the NFC North. And it's not just Favre (who we've written about here and here). Indeed, a whole host of plotlines are waiting to fill my Sunday Ticket. Let's take them one at a time.
Can the Bears compete for a Superbowl now that Cutler's on board?
At first glance, the answer has to be yes. After all, conventional wisdom suggests that the Bears have been a decent quarterback away from victory for several decades. Kyle Orton clearly sucks, and Cutler clearly doesn't. Now that #6 has arrived, the Bears' stellar defense will get a break for more than four plays at a time, and an offense that includes Matt Forte and Devin Hester as well as Cutler will carry its share of the load.
Sadly (and this may shock you), Chicago's defense isn't that stellar, ranking 21st in yards allowed last season and 30th (!) against the pass. Furthermore, Cutler had a ton of yards last season because he threw a ton of passes--only Drew Brees threw more. And while Cutler might seem less likely than Orton to choke games away, keep in mind that Orton threw approximately one interception in every 39 passing attempts. Cutler threw one in every 34, and only Favre had more picks over the course of the season. Throw in the fact that Forte has proven nothing in the way of long-term viability, and you've got a team that's seemingly perfect for underachieving. Will I be watching this Bears team constantly? You better believe it. Will I be gambling on them? Not bloody likely.
Will Vikings at Packers on November 1st live up to expectations?
I'll be honest: Nothing but Brett Favre's decapitated head replacing the football would satisfy me at this point. After all, you have to go back a number of years to find this level of betrayal, and if ever an ass-kicking were richly deserved, it's now.
Sadly, unless I've completely misjudged the Aaron Rodgers-era Pack, they're not up to the task of delivering it. Favre, I fully expect you to ceremonially retire as a Packer, but don't be fooled. You may not have your country back.
Will Detroit go 0-32?
It's entirely, joyously possible! A quick glance at their 2009 schedule reveals 16 very losable games, and given the fact that they're almost certain to have a bad bye-week of practice, I say we count that as a loss, too.
Their best chance for a win is almost certainly their November 1st hosting of St. Louis, a franchise almost (but not quite) as po-faced and insignificant. Lose here and a second 0-16 is very much within reach. Let's hope this game's not airing simultaneously with Vikes vs. Pack. I might have to add a second television!
-GM
GM,
If you didn't have to look up Jay Cutler's jersey number, I'm impressed or ashamed--but nowhere in-between. Speaking of shame, it's the feeling I got when clicking that second Sergeant Slaughter link. The first one had me in tears. The second had me praying that I wasn't one of those children. Before I get to the NFC North, I'd like to touch on Michael Vick's first game back last night. No one I've heard from seems to be admitting it, but Vick's option run showed me that he's lost a step and can only be used as a decoy or shovel passer. And McNabb clearly doesn't care for him. That's a feud waiting to happen. Now to the matter at hand, I have my own questions.
Will Favre's teammates continue to resent him throughout the season as he spoils gorgeous Adrian Peterson drives with ill-advised passes and selfishness, only to deny such reports until the Vikings' season ends in a tough-to-swallow playoff loss?
You better believe it. The locker room issues in Minnesota shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. When Favre decided in July to stay retired, several Vikings went on record to say they would no longer welcome him as a teammate. The general consensus was, "Once we start training camp, that's the team." He comes back three weeks later, and everyone expects things to be rosy? I'd be madder than I was this morning when I saw that NFL.com had changed its longstanding game recap format!
Will the NFC North lead the NFL in interceptions thrown this season?
Do I even have to ask? As you mentioned, Cutler and Favre are INT-happy, and Matthew Stafford is a rookie on a horrible team. This leads me to my next question...
Is A-Rod the best QB in the division despite being regarded as the third-best?
Definitely. His competition is an old guy, a new guy, and a guy who hasn't won since high school. A-Rod (yes, I'm sticking with it) threw for 4,038 yards, 28 touchdowns, and only 13 interceptions in his first year as a starter. Compare those numbers to Peyton Manning's (the MVP!) season of 4,002 yards, 27 TDs, and 12 INTs. His 93.8 QB rating was higher than first-year ratings for Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Phillip Rivers, Donovan McNabb, Calson Palmer, and, well, any quarterback in the NFL. Hell, I've convinced myself! I think the Packers have an exceptional chance of stealing the division.
-JW
While the AFC South and NFC East may produce more wins over the coming season, no division in professional football promises to be as compulsively watchable as the NFC North. And it's not just Favre (who we've written about here and here). Indeed, a whole host of plotlines are waiting to fill my Sunday Ticket. Let's take them one at a time.
Can the Bears compete for a Superbowl now that Cutler's on board?
At first glance, the answer has to be yes. After all, conventional wisdom suggests that the Bears have been a decent quarterback away from victory for several decades. Kyle Orton clearly sucks, and Cutler clearly doesn't. Now that #6 has arrived, the Bears' stellar defense will get a break for more than four plays at a time, and an offense that includes Matt Forte and Devin Hester as well as Cutler will carry its share of the load.
Sadly (and this may shock you), Chicago's defense isn't that stellar, ranking 21st in yards allowed last season and 30th (!) against the pass. Furthermore, Cutler had a ton of yards last season because he threw a ton of passes--only Drew Brees threw more. And while Cutler might seem less likely than Orton to choke games away, keep in mind that Orton threw approximately one interception in every 39 passing attempts. Cutler threw one in every 34, and only Favre had more picks over the course of the season. Throw in the fact that Forte has proven nothing in the way of long-term viability, and you've got a team that's seemingly perfect for underachieving. Will I be watching this Bears team constantly? You better believe it. Will I be gambling on them? Not bloody likely.
Will Vikings at Packers on November 1st live up to expectations?
I'll be honest: Nothing but Brett Favre's decapitated head replacing the football would satisfy me at this point. After all, you have to go back a number of years to find this level of betrayal, and if ever an ass-kicking were richly deserved, it's now.
Sadly, unless I've completely misjudged the Aaron Rodgers-era Pack, they're not up to the task of delivering it. Favre, I fully expect you to ceremonially retire as a Packer, but don't be fooled. You may not have your country back.
Will Detroit go 0-32?
It's entirely, joyously possible! A quick glance at their 2009 schedule reveals 16 very losable games, and given the fact that they're almost certain to have a bad bye-week of practice, I say we count that as a loss, too.
Their best chance for a win is almost certainly their November 1st hosting of St. Louis, a franchise almost (but not quite) as po-faced and insignificant. Lose here and a second 0-16 is very much within reach. Let's hope this game's not airing simultaneously with Vikes vs. Pack. I might have to add a second television!
-GM
GM,
If you didn't have to look up Jay Cutler's jersey number, I'm impressed or ashamed--but nowhere in-between. Speaking of shame, it's the feeling I got when clicking that second Sergeant Slaughter link. The first one had me in tears. The second had me praying that I wasn't one of those children. Before I get to the NFC North, I'd like to touch on Michael Vick's first game back last night. No one I've heard from seems to be admitting it, but Vick's option run showed me that he's lost a step and can only be used as a decoy or shovel passer. And McNabb clearly doesn't care for him. That's a feud waiting to happen. Now to the matter at hand, I have my own questions.
Will Favre's teammates continue to resent him throughout the season as he spoils gorgeous Adrian Peterson drives with ill-advised passes and selfishness, only to deny such reports until the Vikings' season ends in a tough-to-swallow playoff loss?
You better believe it. The locker room issues in Minnesota shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. When Favre decided in July to stay retired, several Vikings went on record to say they would no longer welcome him as a teammate. The general consensus was, "Once we start training camp, that's the team." He comes back three weeks later, and everyone expects things to be rosy? I'd be madder than I was this morning when I saw that NFL.com had changed its longstanding game recap format!
Will the NFC North lead the NFL in interceptions thrown this season?
Do I even have to ask? As you mentioned, Cutler and Favre are INT-happy, and Matthew Stafford is a rookie on a horrible team. This leads me to my next question...
Is A-Rod the best QB in the division despite being regarded as the third-best?
Definitely. His competition is an old guy, a new guy, and a guy who hasn't won since high school. A-Rod (yes, I'm sticking with it) threw for 4,038 yards, 28 touchdowns, and only 13 interceptions in his first year as a starter. Compare those numbers to Peyton Manning's (the MVP!) season of 4,002 yards, 27 TDs, and 12 INTs. His 93.8 QB rating was higher than first-year ratings for Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Phillip Rivers, Donovan McNabb, Calson Palmer, and, well, any quarterback in the NFL. Hell, I've convinced myself! I think the Packers have an exceptional chance of stealing the division.
-JW
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
AFC North Preview: Big Ben! (and 211 other guys)
GM,
If ever a division should be identified by its quarterbacks, it's the AFC North this year. Four youngsters with four distinct stories and pedigrees will try to guide their respective teams to the glory of a 10-6, division-winning season. Come mid-season, these signal callers will be writing letters home all the way from an AFC West city.
Mom,
Can't wait to come home for Thanksgiving. Oakland is rough, and I'm ready to get back to the Midwest, where my passer rating still exceeds the temperature. The 2-7 start was bad enough, but losing to the Raiders tomorrow will embarrass me to no end. I can hear Chad tweeting, and we're not even roommates! Kiss my Heisman for me.
Carson (Nov. 21)
Mom,
I got to meet Brett Favre last week! Don't worry; we'll do better against the Broncos tomorrow. Braylon's seven Week-1 drops mean he's due for a big game! With Denver's defense, I should be able to keep my job until next week. If I get cut, Jamal said he's willing to place the drug orders as long as I get the business. I'm in good hands.
Brady (Sept. 19)
Mom,
For the last time, I did pay the hush money! She had no right to go to the authorities! Don't put the rings on ebay just yet.
Benjamin (Nov. 21)
Dad,
Can I borrow your tweezers? Ed and Ray are giving me more s--t about the uni-brow. Johnny Damon grows his beard out for an entire season, and they expect me to have two distinct eyebrows in January?! I'm not allowed to play against Oakland tomorrow. Who would have thought we'd have clinched with a week to spare?! Can't wait to host the wildcard team that has two more wins than us!
Joe (Jan. 2)
-JW
JW,
Here, presented as they occurred, are the thoughts that came to me as I pondered this season's AFC North:
Omar Epps, Big Ben, Flacco will suck, Big Ben, Cleveland will suck, Ray Lewis killed a guy, Ray Lewis will suck, Big Ben, Cincinnati shouldn't have a team, Cincinnati will suck, Big Ben.
As you can see, I'm quite excited. Also, the phrase "Big Ben" has been uttered a lot on football broadcasts. But that's a complaint for another day.
Today, I'm happy to complain about the fact that you have the Ravens winning the division at 10-6. After all, doesn't Pittsburgh get some benefit of the doubt for going 12-4 last year, winning the Super Bowl, and bringing everyone back? I know they're one of those annoying, San Antonio Spurs-style everything-done-right franchises, but isn't that the point? Can't we pencil them in for a boring division win now?
Personally, I'm more intrigued by the possibility of Cleveland and Cincinnati joining forces with the Big Ten's BCS chances to put the final nail in the state of Ohio's football coffin. We're unlikely to see more than four combined wins for the Browns and Bengals this season, and given the fact that neighboring Pennsylvania is in many ways the epicenter of the NFL universe right now, I'm anticipating some mass suicides in the Buckeye State.
My other prediction is a #2 seed for the Steelers going into the playoffs and a narrow wild card miss for the Ravens. And good riddance. After last year's travesty of a win over the Titans, I'm ready for this team to go away for a while.
-GM
If ever a division should be identified by its quarterbacks, it's the AFC North this year. Four youngsters with four distinct stories and pedigrees will try to guide their respective teams to the glory of a 10-6, division-winning season. Come mid-season, these signal callers will be writing letters home all the way from an AFC West city.
Mom,
Can't wait to come home for Thanksgiving. Oakland is rough, and I'm ready to get back to the Midwest, where my passer rating still exceeds the temperature. The 2-7 start was bad enough, but losing to the Raiders tomorrow will embarrass me to no end. I can hear Chad tweeting, and we're not even roommates! Kiss my Heisman for me.
Carson (Nov. 21)
Mom,
I got to meet Brett Favre last week! Don't worry; we'll do better against the Broncos tomorrow. Braylon's seven Week-1 drops mean he's due for a big game! With Denver's defense, I should be able to keep my job until next week. If I get cut, Jamal said he's willing to place the drug orders as long as I get the business. I'm in good hands.
Brady (Sept. 19)
Mom,
For the last time, I did pay the hush money! She had no right to go to the authorities! Don't put the rings on ebay just yet.
Benjamin (Nov. 21)
Dad,
Can I borrow your tweezers? Ed and Ray are giving me more s--t about the uni-brow. Johnny Damon grows his beard out for an entire season, and they expect me to have two distinct eyebrows in January?! I'm not allowed to play against Oakland tomorrow. Who would have thought we'd have clinched with a week to spare?! Can't wait to host the wildcard team that has two more wins than us!
Joe (Jan. 2)
-JW
JW,
Here, presented as they occurred, are the thoughts that came to me as I pondered this season's AFC North:
Omar Epps, Big Ben, Flacco will suck, Big Ben, Cleveland will suck, Ray Lewis killed a guy, Ray Lewis will suck, Big Ben, Cincinnati shouldn't have a team, Cincinnati will suck, Big Ben.
As you can see, I'm quite excited. Also, the phrase "Big Ben" has been uttered a lot on football broadcasts. But that's a complaint for another day.
Today, I'm happy to complain about the fact that you have the Ravens winning the division at 10-6. After all, doesn't Pittsburgh get some benefit of the doubt for going 12-4 last year, winning the Super Bowl, and bringing everyone back? I know they're one of those annoying, San Antonio Spurs-style everything-done-right franchises, but isn't that the point? Can't we pencil them in for a boring division win now?
Personally, I'm more intrigued by the possibility of Cleveland and Cincinnati joining forces with the Big Ten's BCS chances to put the final nail in the state of Ohio's football coffin. We're unlikely to see more than four combined wins for the Browns and Bengals this season, and given the fact that neighboring Pennsylvania is in many ways the epicenter of the NFL universe right now, I'm anticipating some mass suicides in the Buckeye State.
My other prediction is a #2 seed for the Steelers going into the playoffs and a narrow wild card miss for the Ravens. And good riddance. After last year's travesty of a win over the Titans, I'm ready for this team to go away for a while.
-GM
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