Tips and Picks: The Week 2 Edition

GM,

Let's talk football. Since no Top 25 games outside the SEC really interest me this week (although Oklahoma State is playing another C-USA team from Houston), I'm going to run through the SEC games and tell you whom to bet on. Consider my gambling record in anything but NFL futures and low-limit online poker before you pile on.

Mississippi State (+9) at Vanderbilt: When they're playing other people, you can't trust either of these teams to do anything for you. There was a time (primarily 2003 and 2004) when Starkville, Miss. bookies refused to take bets against Mississippi State because the team simply could not cover a spread. This game promises to be a snoozer any way you slice it, but I'll take the Bulldogs to cover if not win outright.

West Virginia (+7) at Auburn: Auburn has really impressed me this year--against Louisiana Tech and Mississippi State. Please stay away from this game. I'll take the Mountaineers with a gun to my head.

Tennessee (+30) at Florida: If Lane Kiffin sings "Rocky Top" all night long Saturday night, it will be because his team covered this much-publicized spread, which it will. In fact, I say Tennessee is still in the game at halftime!

Louisville (+14) at Kentucky: I flipped a coin, and it got lost in the sofa. Even it can't decide. Take Kentucky.

Georgia (+2) at Arkansas: Apparently the oddsmakers know something the pollsters don't, which is often the case. Arkansas is barely in the "Others receiving votes" category in either poll, and UGA's only loss is to another ranked team. So far, UGA is having trouble in the "key stops" department, so go Hog wild.

North Texas (+39) at Alabama: Lock of the week. Take the North Texas Mean Green. They're much better than dreadful, and only dreadful teams should be 39-point dogs.

Florida Atlantic (+20.5) at South Carolina: 'Cocks.

Southeastern Louisiana at Ole Miss: Ole Miss won't even cover the spread that this game doesn't have. That's because, if it did have one, it would be 50 or more, and Ole Miss will win by 38 because Jevan Snead was the most overrated player in football this preseason. Mark my words, he will not be drafted in the first round.

Louisiana Lafayette (+27) at LSU: Lafayette just beat a Big 12 team! It was Kansas State, but that's enough to make me stay away from this game. Take the Tigers because they haven't made a statement yet and may want to.

-JW

JW,

The old joke is that I wouldn't watch [boring game] if they were playing it in my backyard, but I'm here to tell you that I wouldn't watch Mississippi State at Vanderbilt if I were quarterbacking one of the squads and they had me in one of those Clockwork Orange eyelid-securers. A wretched, horrible game. As my brother-in-law says, I'm cheering for the field to open up and swallow both teams.

Happily, this weekend's NFL action is a horse of a different color, as shown by the following match-ups:

Houston at Tennessee: Both teams are 0-1, both underperformed in week one, and both need badly to get off to a good divisional start. The difference? While Tennessee could still go 11-5 and make the playoffs without surprising too many people, Houston was unmasked as the exact same fraud they've been since picking a nickname about one-tenth as good as "Oilers." The Titans don't blow teams out, but they might make an exception this week.

Carolina at Atlanta: I can't find the record for most interceptions thrown in a three-game stretch, but with nine in his last two starts, Jake Delhomme's got to be approaching the number. Delhomme's obviously a must-boo at home for the rest of his Carolina career, but I'll be watching to see if Atlanta's crowd (i.e., "sprinkling of fans") preemptively cheers the man. After all, if they win it will be largely his doing.

St. Louis at Washington: Completely unwatchable, but intruiging in retrospect as the worst game of the 2009 season. The Redskins could start President Obama at quarterback and still manage to be uninteresting. I'd legitimately rather watch Congress in session.

Tampa Bay at Buffalo: Judging by last week's forgettable performance, the Bucs are still looking for an identity. How about, Team That Loses This Week In Buffalo?

-GM