Audi and the Church of Green

Anyone requiring further evidence that Big Green has completely slipped its moorings needs look no further than Audi's recent Super Bowl commercial, in which enviro-fascism is celebrated by peppy music and the declaration that the A3 is the "Green Car of the Year" (according to Green Car Journal--let's subscribe now!). A summary of the ad's plot doesn't begin to do justice to its bizarre, convoluted message, but here goes:

In scene one, a hapless shopper is arrested after requesting plastic bags (from a young Minnie Driver, oddly). In scene two, an army of government hacks--exactly what Obama had in mind when he proposed the expansion of green-collar jobs, no doubt--pulls illicit batteries from a garbage can and storms the offender's house. The arrests continue as Green agents seize a tosser (rather than composter) of orange rinds, a user of incandescent lightbulbs, and a fellow in a too-hot hot tub. The loathsome power-pap of "rock" band Cheap Trick continues in the background as an Audi driver glides painlessly through a police checkpoint, and the commercial ends with the strange, cryptic reminder that "Green has never felt so right." Seriously, what the f--k is going on here?

What's not going on, let us assure you, is a harmless exercise in thematic dissonance--Kubrick's Strauss-and-monkey-violence for the age of eco-friendliness. At first glance, the advertisement seems to want us to laugh at the preposterousness of the circumstances it portrays ("Arrested for not recycling? Pish tosh!"), and the commercial's tone is indeed comic. Offenders run from the police like children playing tag. An unfortunate Speedo makes an appearance. The problem is that the world Audi anticipates is already happening. It's already here (and here and here and, most frighteningly, here), and pretending that it's an unlikely fantasy is like telling occupied Poland how silly a German invasion would be.

So what's Audi's game? It can't be that they're ignorant of the criminalization of the environmental debate. They have to know that the Green police is only ironic when sung as a jingle. The message has to be that, yes, environmentalists are turning into fascists, but it's too late to turn this train around.

We might as well have a laugh.